The military and choices

Over the weekend hubby and I went to say goodbye to some friends who are being moved due to new military orders.  This happens all the time in this business, so goodbyes are something we're all used to (or getting used to).  It was a lot of fun, and a lot of people we hadn't seen in awhile were there to send them off.  I have made some good friends among the military community.  I, like many people in the general population (and perhaps in academia especially), had some preconceived notions, maybe we can even call them prejudices, about people associated with the military until I was one of them.  But I once again have been schooled through first hand experience that you can't make assumptions about anyone.

Most of the guys in the military are nice, respectful, and like to have a good time.  Plus, I respect them because they're dedicated to something in a way few of us can understand.  And their wives/gf's, who got me through my first deployment experience, are friendly and accepting and really do a lot to help each other out in a way that I find rare in most other circles.  All that being said, it is still sometimes like entering the twilight zone while talking to them.  Most of these women have careers.  They've all worked hard to get where they are.  Yet every single one of them willingly follows her spouse around to wherever they may end up and generally seems fine with it!  Now, that's not exactly true, they all struggle when they're forced to go somewhere less than desirable.  But they let their spouses go to a place that's good for his career, even if it's crappy for the wife.

Maybe I just haven't really accepted the military life.  Maybe it's the fact that being sent to Japan is a very real possibility for me in the near future.  But I know a lot of dual career couples outside of the military, and more often than not, they choose to be commuter couples.  They choose to live apart so they can both have the careers they want rather than one giving it up for the other.

Why is it that my friends with graduate degrees who aren't married to the military (yes, I wrote it that way on purpose) refuse to follow their spouses around, yet all my friends who are married to the military, many of them with graduate degrees, just 'find something' or 'figure something out' wherever their husband goes?

This is all a personal choice, I know.  It's just such a strong trend that I can't really ignore it.  Particularly when I'm trying to figure out which way I would choose to go, should I be faced with such a decision.  Maybe people in the military are more on the conservative/traditional side and following husbands around is just something that doesn't grate against their feminist leanings of NEVER following a man around, even if he is your husband.  ;-) 

In the end it all comes down to how that individual, or couple, wants to live their life. And I think either choice is fine.  If I had to make a choice about it right now, I'd follow the husband around since I currently don't have a career path laid out or even a job that I love.  But if I did, or when I (hopefully) get one, I think that choice may become more difficult.

So, any thoughts about dual career couples and how to handle it?  I'd love to hear what people have done, what compromises people made or didn't make.