Well, I did it. I quit. Or rather, that was the end result of what I was hoping would be a productive meeting with my PI. I originally had a long post about what happened, but I've decided to shorten it to this:
Friday I had the epiphany moment that I apparently needed. In our weekly meeting, my PI and I both came to the table with things we were unhappy about. I had some specific examples of times when my boss decided to ignore my suggestions for experiments, and then months later take the same advice when it came from another professor. I pointed out 3 specific instances of this, and she turned around and blamed me for each one. If only I had explained my reasoning better, she argued, perhaps she would have taken my advice. She also said I should develop that skill for my success in the future.
It doesn't matter what else happened (although, I can't promise I won't post more on this toxic relationship in the future), but it was at that moment that I realized it was time to go. For real this time.
I realized it doesn't matter what I say, how I say it, how I approach something, how I explain something, how I try to rectify a situation gone bad, that in her eyes, whatever it is, it will ALWAYS be MY FAULT. ALWAYS.
This doesn't make me a bad person, or her a bad person. (this was hard for me to realize as I obviously still harbor resentment toward her) But it does mean we can't work together in a productive manner. It means I'm not her, I don't work or think the way she does, she doesn't like that about me, and I'm not going to change. And neither is she. So we shouldn't continue to work together.
So I told her we aren't a good match and that I think we should part ways. After a weekend to think about it, she agreed with me, and I'm about to submit my official letter of resignation.
Onward and upward!
I can understand where you are coming from and it sounds like you made the right decision. When I first entered graduate school I joined a lab and within about a month I realized I had just made a horrendous mistake. One of the best and most difficult things ever did professionally was to leave that lab as quickly as I could and join another lab in the department. My adviser at the time had some choice words for me, but they eventually got over it (I think). Anyways, I learned an extremely important lesson very early on: there's only one person who is going to look out for you, and that's you. You have to do what's best for yourself career-wise because no one else is going to do it...congrats on making a tough decision and having what was surely a very difficult conversation.
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